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Industrial Arts

artist, author and designer for the stage…

Tag Archives: lost

This past week has been one of those that you don’t know whether you want to forget it or not… in the end though, it is a new week and I have ended my day sitting at my desk and listening to Cat Stevens… one of the few activities that can calm me down. The rythmic predictability of music… it soothes me. Odd as some of the music I listen to would hardly be called soothing, but I guess to each his or her own.

My mind has wandered through a myriad of things. With my divorce finally over it has allowed a little space to feel an individual if one undefined. A foil to bend and mash… lost here in the land of Zion. A beautiful place… it’s hard to not like the mormons as they are beautiful people some of them. Some times it is hard to concentrate. My Utah friends would be laughing at that as they all warned me.

It is hard to give up hate and forgive. Some things in my life I have never been able to forgive. I am old. I need to discard this shell and embrace the future even if that means I do it broke, naked and cold standing in the rain. I am just going to go with the flow and let the tide take me back out to sea, float in the surf and the turbulent waters for awhile, breathe the air and wait to drown. Watch as the sun shines on me and the clouds pass by for I don’t have a care anymore. I have let go of all that was me and am no longer here.

I miss my daughter… that is it. Everything else is trivial. Except for letting go of this hatred. Saying good bye to it all…

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So I am here staring at this screen and realizing that I have lost all my focus… I have gotten caught up in the mundane routine of living a physical life and have not devoted any time to my work. It is hard to separate from it all to drift off to another place and have to take notes and write stuff down on top of it. The problem is staying focused on the one idea and seeing it through to a complete end. Is it as simple as a being a side effect of my medication or too many years of substance abuse and delinquency?

Either way it is time to write again. I have two plot sketches in my head right now and need to get them down on paper before the inspiration is lost. Which is an easy thing right now for the seasons are changing and it feels nice to be outside in the mountains. For what it is worth the loneliness of the trails brings me a little solace from the noise and confusion that usual run through my thoughts. It all dissipates, fades away and I am left with nothing but my labored breath, the stomping of my boots and the green forest all around me.

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