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Industrial Arts

artist, author and designer for the stage…

Tag Archives: women

This past week has been one of those that you don’t know whether you want to forget it or not… in the end though, it is a new week and I have ended my day sitting at my desk and listening to Cat Stevens… one of the few activities that can calm me down. The rythmic predictability of music… it soothes me. Odd as some of the music I listen to would hardly be called soothing, but I guess to each his or her own.

My mind has wandered through a myriad of things. With my divorce finally over it has allowed a little space to feel an individual if one undefined. A foil to bend and mash… lost here in the land of Zion. A beautiful place… it’s hard to not like the mormons as they are beautiful people some of them. Some times it is hard to concentrate. My Utah friends would be laughing at that as they all warned me.

It is hard to give up hate and forgive. Some things in my life I have never been able to forgive. I am old. I need to discard this shell and embrace the future even if that means I do it broke, naked and cold standing in the rain. I am just going to go with the flow and let the tide take me back out to sea, float in the surf and the turbulent waters for awhile, breathe the air and wait to drown. Watch as the sun shines on me and the clouds pass by for I don’t have a care anymore. I have let go of all that was me and am no longer here.

I miss my daughter… that is it. Everything else is trivial. Except for letting go of this hatred. Saying good bye to it all…

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It seems the curse of my life is women… Don’t get me wrong, I happen to like women, their smell, their look, their idiosyncrasies… but it never fails that I start a relationship with one and they end up having great expectations from me, which is a lark as I am barely able to maintain my sanity from day to day, let alone deal with someone who is demanding consistency from me…

But for once in my life I find myself single and it is something that has created such a sense of freedom and completeness it is unreal. I am not bound to anyone save for staying coherent for my daughter. I promised her I wouldn’t loose myself in the chaos. Funny that a seven year old girl can keep me in line, but to her I owe everything…

Now if I can just shed myself of the remnants of my past. They cling to me like ticks. They cost me money. They cost me sleep…

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